1. “The Internet is a great way to get on the Net.” ~ Bob Dole
2. “Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end, gravity will get us all.” ~ Johnny Depp
3. “On cable TV they have a weather channel – 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.” ~ Dan Spencer
4. “When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.” ~ Mae West
5. “A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.” ~ Robert Frost
6. “There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.” ~ Josh Groban
7. “I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.” ~ Woody Allen
8. “Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special.” ~ Chris Rock
9. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” ~ Albert Einstein
10. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” ~ Groucho Marx
11. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ~ Anonymous
12. “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” ~ Gracie Allen
13. “If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.” ~ Erma Bonbeck
14. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So for today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” ~ Dave Barry
15. “Procrastination is like a credit card; it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.” ~ Christopher Parker
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